Beyond Addiction by William C. Moyers

Improving our understanding of alcohol and drug addiction

Do You Need Help?

Writer's block isn't uncommon when a weekly column is required 50 times a year on a tight deadline. In these instances, I've learned to let the readers write for me.

Via my Facebook page:

My name is Denise, and though you don't know me, I hope you can help me. My brother, Frank, is an addict, and I don't know what to do. He needs help, and without it, he will die. In fact, I don't think he has much time left. My parents are in denial. His wife -- well, that's another story. My other siblings, though concerned and loving, haven't made a move to do anything. I don't have the money or resources to help him myself. He has health insurance through his wife's company, but his business is going under and he is close to broke. I myself have a family, including two toddlers, who take up most of my time -- that is, when I am not at my full-time job. Where do I begin to help him? He cannot do this on his own. My understanding is that he takes Adderall for his attention-deficit disorder but is also using crack. We just had a party for our parents' 50th wedding anniversary. The only way I can describe my brother's appearance at the party is half-dead. His pallor is gray, not even close to a natural skin color. The saddest part of all is that he is the kindest, sweetest soul but he is lost. I want my brother back. I need to save him. I cannot lose him. Please help me. I apologize for my desperation, but I am at my wits' end with nowhere to go. Thank you. -- Denise D., New Jersey

I offered Denise this advice: You begin by asking him whether he needs or wants help. Shame and stigma, I told her, are usually the most formidable obstacles confronting an addict who is trying to stop.

So she did and got back to me right away:

Mr. Moyers, I met with him last night. You were right. Frank was just waiting for someone to reach out. He broke down, and I believe he is ready to make a change, which is at least a small step in the right direction. I offered my help and told him that if he wanted it, I would do everything possible to get him what he needs. He said the words "I want help" and also openly admitted to me that he is a drug addict and has been for some time (something I already knew but also something I think was important for him to say aloud). I reassured him that I love him, that he is worthy of help and that I believe he can get better. He described himself as a loser, but I told him that he is not a loser, but rather someone suffering from a disease that is treatable. I reminded him that he has a support network and a family that loves him unconditionally and that when he is ready for their help, all he has to do is reach out. I am not sure how open he is to a treatment facility yet, and I did not want to overwhelm him with the idea. However, I was able to get a referral to a local psychiatrist who specializes in addiction, and Frank has agreed to see him. He even allowed me to make him an appointment and drive him there. Thank you. Without your advice and encouragement, I am not sure I would have been as prepared as I was to speak to Frank last night. I know the work has not begun yet, but at least I feel there is a glimmer of hope.

Thank you, Denise. I couldn't have put it any better if I'd written it myself.

August 28, 2010